comparing & judging

I'm going to pour my heart out a little, but I'm going to do it quickly... Micah & Meredith are both napping, but since that never seems to happen simultaneously anymore, I figure one of them will wake up as soon as I get to the good part... so I'll make it snappy.

My name is Kristin Daniels and I compare myself to other people/women/wives/moms and I also judge myself and them based on how I do things or wish I did things.

WHY!?!

Do you vaccinate?  Did you do a delayed schedule? Are you breastfeeding? Do you ever leave your baby over night? Do you and your husband have regular date nights? Do you work outside the home? Do you grocery shop with coupons? Do you spoil your kids with toys? Are you thinking about going back to work? Do you let your baby sleep in the bed with you? Do you like your baby cry it out?

Whatever your answers to these questions - GOOD. FOR. YOU! You are a rockstar mom/dad/friend/wife/husband/sister/brother... whatever... and the decisions you make for your family/self are, I'm sure, the best decision based on your circumstances. In light of eternity the only thing of true importance is: Are you serving the Lord and seeking His will... and are you sharing Him with others?

My jealousy/comparing/judging issues are absurd and I'm trying my best to be confident in who I am, the decisions I make, and the way I take care of my family. There are people who think they'll do it differently... or people who judge the way someone raises their child or treats their spouse... and I'm going to try to NOT be that person. I'm thankful God chose me to raise my kids and be a wife to Billy... and I have a lot of room for improvement, but doing it because someone else does it better, or because someone else thinks I'm crazy/silly... well that's not reason enough to change.

My name is Kristin Daniels and I'm trying my hardest to live my life the way the Lord would have me live it - flaws, craziness, awkwardness, and all.

But in reality...

Billy & I are doing a small group study using the "Not A Fan" series with our college life group. This past week the question to ponder was "What have you had to sacrifice to follow Christ?"

I grew up in church. I enjoyed high school. I went to a Christian university, married a Christian man, and we have, for the most part, Christian families and friends.

I've sacrificed very little to follow Christ.

And the sad thing is - I don't always sacrifice my time or money to serve him. :(

I wish I could tell you that I wake up 30 minutes early every morning to spend quiet time with Him. In reality, I fit him in while I'm drinking my coffee and Meredith is watching tv or playing barbies.

I wish I could tell you that I sacrifice my pride and nerves and witness to my friends that aren't followers. In reality, they know my beliefs, but our conversations aren't always focused on the Lord.

I wish I could tell you that I sacrifice my money to serve others. In reality, I stress daily on where our grocery money will come from the next week, let alone how I'm going to bless someone else.

I wish I could tell you that I invite people to church. In reality, I will if the topic comes us, but I never push the issue and I never call to ask the day before.

I wish I could tell you that Billy & I put God above all else. In reality we struggle with this daily.

I wish I could tell you a lot of things... but I've been reminded this week that I ask a lot of God and give little in return.

I can, however, tell you this. I love the Lord with my whole heart. I'm learning, on a daily basis, to trust Him with my life, my family, our finances, etc. I truly do seek to follow His will for my life. I talk about the Lord and pray with my kids every.single.day. I pray for my family and friends daily as well. I love going to our amazing church ((goooo Brentwood!)) and love serving as leaders for College Life. I have a passion for teenagers and young adults and I hope I'm a respectable role model for them. I love my children and my husband and want our family to serve the Lord - not just at church on Sunday's but in our neighborhood and in our world.

I'm still learning... and growing...

What about you? Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He sacrificed his life for us. What have you sacrificed to serve and follow him?

Ramblings

I have a lot on my mind this morning. Random things. And to help me get them all out, I'm writing about them on here. Feel free to make fun of my ramblings. :)

1) I'm selling Arbonne. It's a botanically based, organic (vegan actually) skin care line that's AHHH-MAZING. I never thought I'd be a part of network marketing because I'm easily annoyed by people asking me to host parties etc... but the products are awesome and the business plan is like none other. So, I'm giving it a try. If I've asked you to host a spa event for me and you've be super kind & an awesome friend and said yes, then know it means more than you could ever imagine and know that I'll never ask you to do it again. If I've asked you and you've said no, or you've ignored me... well it's totally fine (I've been there, done that), but know that when I'm making money and my skin looks awesome, I'll be sure to let you know. :) lol. Just kidding!!! (or am I?!) But seriously...

2) My kids are sick. Colds. Meredith is a little congested and sneezy. Micah is snotty, drooly, and a little cranky. Yuck.

3) My childhood friend, Tiffany, is in town for an intensive at Liberty and came over for dinner last night. We spent about 3 hours catching up and laughing about old times. I loved it. I'm trying to talk her into coming over for dinner again on Thursday. :)

4) Our college life group is going well. We have loved getting to know everyone and learning with them. They have started calling me mom - and while it's cute and funny - it's a reminder that I'm old. Yuck.

5) Meredith is going to be a mermaid for Halloween. Micah is going to be a tiger. roarrrr...

6) My friend Brooke went back to work full time this week. Micah and I miss her and Camden. *sniff

7) Meredith will be 4 in a week. 4. 4 years old. When did she grow up? We're having her birthday party at the pumpkin patch this Sunday. :) I'm excited.

8) Preschool has been amazing for Meredith. She comes home singing songs, telling me Bible stories, writing letters, talking about playing on the play ground, tattling on things her friends did... she loves her teachers and learning and the independence it gives her. She LOVES going and asks to go daily. She knows her days of the week now and know that if it's Tuesday or Thursday she gets to go. lol. Bless her heart.

9) I need to deep clean. I did it not too long ago, but I really need to scrub my floors (all of them) and clean my windows... ughhh..

10) I really want to white wash my fireplace. I've been talking about doing it for ages.

11) My yard is covered in leaves. It's super cold this week. It's fall. Andddd I kind of like it a lot. :)

There's a lot more, but Micah is letting it be known that he needs me. :) Have a wonderful day. Oh! And if you want to know more about Arbonne, email me. :) lol

3 Months Old!!!

My sweet boy is 3 months old. He's laughing, "talking", sleeping through the night, huge and is absolutely amazing. Here's a few pics of my chunky monkey. :)

He's starting to find his feet :)

Am I Doing This Right?

Am I doing this right? Am I hugging my kids enough? Am I disciplining enough? Am I too hard on Meredith? Am I too easy on her? Am I playing with them enough? Am I showing enough attention to my husband? Am I doing my job as a stay-at-home-mom well? Am I as good as _________ (insert a wife or mom's name here)? Do I look like I have this under control? These thoughts overwhelm my mind all. the. time.

Then I start justifying my answers with: If I had more money I'd do things differently. If I had family around, I'd do this. If...

So recently in my search for contentment, I'm trying to prioritize & focus. I'm a type A, anal, ocd person & like things done certain ways on certain days etc. I like a clean house and I like clean, fresh laundry, and I like to look and feel put together... But guess what I've learned since having Micah? It doesn't always happen. :)

So instead of feeling frantic and frustrated because my tubs didn't get scrubbed on Friday morning or I didn't get to dust Micah & Meredith's bedroom on Wednesday morning... I'm prioritizing and accomplishing the important things.

Try it. It's liberating. :)

1. Clean Kitchen before bed.
2. Snuggle Micah and Meredith every day.
3. Kiss Billy when he comes home daily.
4. Cook some sort of meal every night during the week.
5. Get kids in bed at the same time so I have time with Billy.
6. Vacuum.
7. Find time for devotions daily.
8. Find time for coffee daily.
9. Drink wine if everything goes wrong. hahaha

While that's just a randomly put together list - it's mostly the true. My house is usually clean. My laundry pile isn't too overwhelming. My family is fed. My kids are loved... those other nitty gritty things can wait til tomorrow... or the next day.

What are your priorities?

Time & Contentment...

Time is such a crazy thing. You rush it. You want more of it. You want it to stop. You want to fast forward. You watch it. It's a constant battle - for me anyway. I want to speed time up until Billy gets home... then I want to freeze time when he's here playing with the kids. I want to speed up the baby phase just a little bit because it's hard, but once Micah is crawling/walking I'm going to wish I could go back in time because that's hard too, lol. I want Meredith to get out of this whiny/not listening phase, but soon enough she will be in school full time and I'll wish I could rewind. I need mommy time... meaning time away, but I don't want to miss out on anything with the kids. Billy and I NEEEED time to ourselves, to work on our marriage/friendship/relationship/us, but finding that time is a lot easier said than done.

But what made me think of this and start typing is the thought that this "time" in our life is so precious, but so frustrating. Life with 2 kids is MUCH easier than I thought it was going to be. Maybe it's the age difference between the kids or maybe it's the fact that I'm not working this time around, or maybe it's the difference in Billy's job... or maybe its a combination of all of that... but whatever it is, it's not that bad. But... it's still trying. and exhausting. and consuming. and overwhelming. and fun. I'm nursing which means leaving Micah isn't easy and it requires planning & prep work... and I'm not willing to leave him over night yet. (That won't happen until I'm done nursing which is probably around the 1 year mark...even though I have friends who think I'm crazy, lol.) It's harder to ask a sitter to watch both kids. It's harder to ask friends to watch both kids. It's harder to plan to leave both kids. Yet, Billy & I both need to get out... be ourselves... remember why we're good together and what makes us happy besides these little beings that consume our lives. So right now I want to fast forward... to a time where that's easier to do.

Another thing that made me start typing is where I'm at in life. I'm discontent and I can't figure out why. I don't want to work full time, outside the home... but I want to be able to afford to go out on dates, go shopping, be spontaneous, go on vacation, etc.. I don't want to be away from my kids, but I seem to need a break here lately... a lot. I don't want to leave Lynchburg, but I'd do most anything to be near family. I don't want to have more kids, but the thought of Micah being my last makes me sad. I don't want my marriage/relationship to Billy to get stale and like that of roommates, but I don't know how to change things at this time in our life. And lastly... I don't want to have a mundane relationship with Christ, but can't find time to study/read/pray more than I do now because every time I try... I hear "mommmmyyyy" or a baby crying.

Man. I have a lot of complaints. :( But that's NOT what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be honest and real and seek wisdom. I want to live life to the fullest and enjoy my kids and family. I want to find joy in the little things and stop seeing the negatives. I want to seek God's will first and allow everything else to fall in to place. I want to enjoy the time I'm given and stop rushing everything. I want time to not be an issue. I want to be content. 

Do you? Are you? How'd you get there?

Being content... now that's a novel idea. :) Pray for me as I seek this in life... :)

Worry & Planning.

I worry. I worry all the time. Have I mentioned this before?

I worry about telling people bad news. I worry about saying no to things. I worry about getting my house clean before people come over. I worry about my kids getting sick. I worry about Billy driving every day. I worry about visiting/not visiting family enough. I. Worry.

and... it's wrong. It isn't biblical and it's definitely not the way the Lord wants me to enjoy my life and family.

Today my devotions focused on planning and worry... right after I sent an email attempting to plan things and worrying about how to fix the problem... Yep. Thanks, God, for the reminder. :)

Part of the devotion said "You will not find My peace by engaging in excessive planning: attempting to control what will happen to you in the future... Just when you think you have prepared for all possibilities something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion..." - HELLO AMERICA! This is the story of my life. I plan and plan and then things change and I feel all screwed up. Which is frustrating... so then I take out my frustration on my poor and constantly loving husband (bless his heart!). It's crazy, I know, but I don't like surprises and like to feel completely prepared. Which is crazy since I have 2 kids and a husband who's work schedule can change daily not to mention a group of friends are the complete opposite of me in many ways!! :)

Anyway, today it's already been thrown in my face that I am not in control and that I can't always fix things. I've already been reminded that worrying doesn't solve my problems... but praying can. There are so many verses are out there to remind me to trust the Lord, to focus on Him, to allow His will... and today I received several of those reminders. So today, when I'm anxious... when I'm planning... when I'm frustrated... when I'm worrying... I'm going to turn it over to God in prayer and allow Him to work out the details.

~Kristin...

Meeting (most) of the Fam!!

Billy is transferring from Roanoke territory to Lynchburg - WOOHOO! It's awesome and a wonderful surprise, but it also means him selling new drugs and going back to New York for training. for 10 days. leaving me with a newborn and a 3 year old. yikes. So what do I do? Bump my trip to the shore up! haha.

Billy left for NY and the kids and I survived a few days alone. Not too bad. I cleaned and packed and left. :) We stopped in Richmond for a couple days to spend some time with the Daniels' family. Sharon & I took Meredith to the Children's Museum in Richmond and introduced Micah to some of the family that hadn't met him yet. A couple days later the kids and I took off, excited to spend 11 wonderful days on the Shore!!!! We had soooo much fun. I couldn't have asked for better weather, better quality time with family, or for better kids. They were amazing the entire time. Billy came the last weekend we were there and got to have fun with us before returning for work. It was such a good trip!

We went to the beach twice, traveled to Ocean City, MD. to enjoy the boardwalk and ride rides, took Meredith to see Disney Junior's Pirate & Princess tour, had multiple dinners with family, celebrated Uncle Wardy's birthday on Chincoteague, played with Megan & her kids several times, and Billy & I even had a date night! WOOHOO! :)

Meredith & I were super sad to leave, and even extended our trip an extra day because we weren't ready to say goodbye. It's hard being that far away because weekend trips aren't that easy - especially with 2 kiddos now. I hate that my family only gets to see us every few months, but we make it work the best we can. We didn't get to see my cousins (The Sayers & Bradford crew) yet again... I'm pretty bad at communicating once I get on the shore because we stay so busy. That's a MUST the next time we're home!!! We finally started our trip home and I'm not sure who struggled with us leaving more... us or Aunt Kate & MawMaw :)

Here's a few pictures of our trip home. We're counting the days until we return.

Micah's first time at the beach <3

Sand Angels... not to be confused with Snow Angels :)

Micah's first dip in the bay!

Pop Pop & Micah... such a special picture :)

Maw Maw & Meredith at the Disney Junior Live! show :)

Mer & I... lovely face girlie. :)

Megs & I in Ocean City!

Meredith & Colton... 

The Daniels Family <3

Aunt Kate & her kiddos 

Maw Maw & her grandbabies :)

Micah's 2nd trip to the beach... this time with Daddy! 

Building sandcastles!

Celebrating Uncle Wardy's birthday!

buddies :)

Megan & Micah!!!

Poppy & Micah :)

Poppy & his grandkiddos :)

Micah Sutton William Daniels

Wow ya'll. It's be a long time since I've written. My sister-in-law (to be I guess but I've considered her my sis for a while now) Hailey inspired me when she started her blog the other day. (You can read that here if ya want!) I have a lot to catch up on, but let's face it... with 2 kiddos needing me... we'll see how much I catch up on. :)

First, and most importantly, Micah Sutton William Daniels was born on June 28, 2013 at 11:35 pm weighing in at 8 lbs. 9 oz. and 21 inches long. Whoa Baby. Literally. :)

40 weeks & 5 days!

My main support. Love you babe!

Please notice the looks on our faces...hmm..

Maria reading scriptures to me...

touching up my make up lol... girls gotta look good for pictures!!!

pain free! woohoo!!

seeing our sweet boy for the first time <3

Micah Sutton... our cone head :) haha

My sweet kiddos... My whole world <3

The story? Here's the synopsis. I was scheduled to be induced the morning of the 28th, but I was supposed to call at 6 am to see when I should arrive. Thursday I was having some issues but nothing too alarming so I didn't worry over it, but instead focused on spending quality time with Meredith, enjoyed a yummy meal of chinese food, and waited patiently  for my mom and sister to arrive. Friday morning I got up, showered, and called at 6... and guess what? The hospital was slammed and said I could call back at 10 but I probably wouldn't be able to come in until much later. WHAT?!?!?!? I'd planned to go at 8... and if you know me at all you know that waiting is not what I do best. :( But, I was still have the same issues as the day before so my friend/doula Maria suggested calling my mid-wife. I did and she wanted to see me at the doctors office at 9. I was preparing to go in, but I started leaking amniotic fluid... so I called her again and it worried her a little so she sent me to the hospital ((this made me happy since I was one step closer to being admitted if I was already there, lol))... and guess what?! When I arrived I was in labor and didn't know it. hahaa... God's plans people. I was admitted at 10 am and labor continued to get stronger, but sporadic. I labored until 2 pm but my contractions were still irregular. I was having cluster contractions and they were strong... and I was progressing... but they weren't consistent. So they gave me pitocin and oh.my.word. Yea. They got regular. By 7 pm I was having contractions 1-2 minutes apart lasting for about a minute and I was in pain. I still wasn't sure about the epidural but my midwife basically said "now or never" so I said NOW! lol.  I labored another hour or so... by 8:30 I was starting the epidural process... by 9 it was in, by 9:30 it was mostly working, but my blood pressure was dropping a lot, and thankfully by 10:30 I was pain free and relaxed... only to be checked and told it was game time. haha. I started pushing at 11:00 and he was in this world by 11:35.

My beautiful baby boy. My sweet Micah. All 8 1/2 pounds of him. ((Meredith was 6 lb. 7 oz. people... I was SHOCKED by my sweet boys size!))

And now... we couldn't imagine life without him. <3

2 weeks

It's been 2 weeks since I first held my sweet boy. 2 weeks since Meredith officially became a big sister. 2 weeks since I started nursing again. 2 weeks since my family was all here. 2 weeks....  So much has happened in these 2 weeks... And I am so thankful for each thing.

33? 34? 35? 36? 37?

I'm a slacker. let's face it. I always want to blog but doing so is easier said that done. Want an update? Here's a synopsis! :)

I forgot to do a chalkboard for the past um... 8 weeks? Yea. I've enjoyed lots of food, birthday parties, a couple date nights, a TON of Mister Goodies ice cream, a few more subbing days, tried all methods google-able (besides castor oil) to get baby boy out once 38 weeks hit, saw 38 weeks come and go... then 39 weeks went by... and we're now at 40 weeks and 3 days and still no baby. But that's ok because God's timing is perfect and we want a strong healthy baby boy in our arms. :)

The eggplant I cooked & ate in hopes of kicking him out - HA!

Meredith's baby gear for her special baby doll <3

That being said... Induction. Tomorrow, Friday, June 28th, I'm going to be induced. Oh how God must laugh when we plan. I just knew he would be early like his sweet sister. She made her debut in just about the easiest fashion ever... 2 weeks early! But no, he is proving time and time again that he is not just like his sister. He is his own person who hopefully just looks like his daddy & big sis! :)

I went for my 38 week appt and was only 1 cm dilated and 70% effaced. I went for my 39 week appt and was 2 cm and still 70%... and my midwife worked her membrane stripping magic and viola! nothing. lol. So when I went in, tearful because of exhaustion (have I mentioned that I'm not sleeping well) and frustration, she checked and while I was 80% effaced I was still only 2 cm. I was so bummed out. I just wanted my baby and if I wasn't sleeping at night anyway, I wanted to be snuggling a sweet boy. We discussed induction, but she said they didn't like to do it before 41 weeks, but since all my family was out of town and a weekend induction would definitely be more convenient for me (I was already late so it wasn't like I was trying to go early!) she would at least talk and think about it and let me know later on.

I didn't hear from her that day, so we assumed it wasn't happening. The next morning though she called and said we were all set for Friday the 28th. I was told to call the hospital at 6:30 Friday morning and they would tell me when to arrive. There are different methods they may use depending on what progress had been made throughout the week and we'd hopefully have our baby boy sometime Friday night. I was scared. to. death. I have no idea what an induction is like and I suddenly had the urge to keep him inside. Oh my. I also worried that I was taking things out of God's hands... but after praying with Billy and doing my devotions and seeking the Lord... I had a peace. This was a blessing to us from the Lord. Billy & I both felt that way. We were able to plan things a little better for our sweet girl. My mom & sister were able to figure things out with work and make it to Lynchburg before he's born. Billy was able to get a full week of work in which has been stressful since he lost his partner and has more territory to cover because of that. It was working out and who knew - maybe baby would come on his own anyway, but the end was in sight, and we were trusting that the Lord would help us through all the other stuff.

So here I am... about 14 hours away from making that phone call to the hospital. My house is clean, the laundry is almost done. A cake has been made (because when family comes to town, you have to make a cake!). Our bags are packed. Camera has been charged. Meredith knows he's coming. My dad is coming tomorrow sometime. Sharon & Billy are coming to be with Meredith all day tomorrow. And... I'm getting Chinese food for dinner tonight! WOOHOO! :)

The gifts for my nurses & midwife. Gum, Candy bar, Nail polish, & Chap stick :)

Thank you to all who offered encouragement and checked in on me over the past few weeks. We are so excited to meet our boy and start our lives as a family of 4! :)

Prayer Requests:
-I'll be far enough along that I won't need much medical intervention tomorrow.
-Meredith will enjoy her day and not worry about mommy.
-That Meredith transitions well into the role of Big Sister & having to share her time.
-That the pain will be minimal (I can dream, right?)
-That family will have safe travels as they come and go.
-That We have a smooth labor & delivery, free of complications
-That a c-section will NOT be necessary
-That Baby Boy is healthy & strong & perfect.
-That mommy & daddy adjust to having 2 kids. :)

Those are the things on my heart right now. :) Have a great weekend. He'll be here soon!!!!!!!

Billy's 30th! :)

Billy turned 30 on May 17... That's right - he's out of his 20's and onto bigger and better things, lol. He doesn't look a day over 21 though. :)

We celebrated Friday night with a bunch of our friends at our house. We grilled burgers and dogs, had lots of toppings, pasta salad, baked beans, cookies, cake, and chips. We set up corn hole in the front yard and the kids played inside and out

**Funny story: There were about 6 kiddos playing in Meredith's room and she went in and said "Kids, kids - I have something to tell you. You're making a Big Mess!!" lol

**2nd funny story: The kids were in the backyard and Meredith ran out and said "Guys! You're being too loud!"

**DRAMA QUEEN!!!**

Anyway, Billy enjoyed it and kept saying how much fun he had when everyone left. He also kept saying how much he loved having a yard and house where our friends could come hang out. He's pretty proud of our old, small, but comfy house. :) I guess I am too. Here's a couple pics of his special treats. The pink cupcakes Meredith was determined to make... and his birthday "cake" - which was an ice cream sandwich cake. Billy's request. :)

Saturday morning we left for Richmond. Billy was under the impression that his dad & brother were taking him to see the new Star Trek movie and then we were all going out to dinner. Little did he know that his parents had worked for weeks and weeks (ok, probably more like months) to plan a huge 30th birthday party complete with high school buddies and Nannie & Joann who flew in from Texas. They had homemade Brunswick stew made (one of Billy's favorites), several Boston Butt BBQ's cooked (apparently the fillet mignon of bbq?!), plus some other catered items and then lots of finger foods. He was shocked and excited and extremely happy. It was a great night. My mom and sister came as well (Sharon was giving me a baby shower the next day so she had a crazy busy weekend, lol) and it was just a great night over all. :) Here's some pictures from that party. :)

my beautiful sister in law to be... photo courtesy of Meredith Kate :)

the photo collage that Sharon & I put together. Its so crazy how much Meredith looks like her daddy when he was little!!!



Happy 30th Birthday, Billy. We love you very much. :)